My big mouth

We talk about this
shut up your mind you said
once again, delivering pain
silence please
no more guilt
why? why?
silence please
no more piscoshit
one minute of peace
clear,
one more chance cuz you deserve it
Been so hard on yourself these days
green juice and health care
love you
and you will remain

Pain

Don´t even think about it
not again please, please
not right now you bitch
I beg you, honest
So sick under hard complain
ruin of complain, not to make sence
I do not make any sence
Sick of hidding myself after complain
Mechanical fear: pain
Fear of fear
Damaged enought?
Malade!
what do you need?
take it to go
Leave me alone bitch!
I´ll pray
Is that what you need?
Ok ok... I hear you
my inner voice: anxiety
Not a good one I guess
overwhelming
Don´t even think about it
Don´t touch
please, please don´t touch...
Pain.

I guess I overreacted

Not feeling well again mom.
No, I´m not ok, I need medication this time
it´s getting gray and scary
you know how it looks like when it grows...
I feel like crying everytime they ask
what should I say?

Well it´s getting harder to hide it
I´ve this idea in my mind...
what do you think?
Are you ok as well?
Can you handle it?
If I call you, would you listen?

We´ve been playing this game since high-school right?
It comes every once in a while
I hide it in my room and then smile when I see you
Bad hummor, I yell...
Come arround
Guilty, ten times guilty
sometimes strong enought that freaks me out, sometimes mind-control
I know... medication is the best gun
can I?

Yes I´ve been thinking about that
Felt so wrong and guilty
But what else can I do
If I let it grow, people will notice, they don´t want to see that
you know that
they need to see clear, wide and blank...

Will you let me this time?
OMG mom, tell me something!
mmmhhm... ok what about...
like I´m the best, like I can deal with everything it comes.
Ok ok I get it, I should know that right?
Ok ok, you are right, we don´t need this now
Yes yes, it is transitional ...

Don´t worry, thanks mom, I´m perfect, I guess I overreact
Just a bit concern
But everything is under control
I´ll just have a long nap before going to work and ce fini!
stop wrong ideas
stop medication
Thanks mom,